Still Crazy After All These Years, released by Paul Simon in 1975, was a huge success at the time. One of the songs on the album, “50 ways to leave your lover,” stunned me. Call me unimaginative, but my farewell repertoire seemed so conventional.
As I grew older, I found that companies announced their breakups in original ways, a treasure trove of euphemisms that piqued my youthful curiosity.
Since there seems to be no limit to the creativity of HR managers who strive to make layoffs pragmatic and lighthearted, I’ve compiled a list of such euphemisms — 33 noun phrases and 46 verb forms.
Here’s what I’ve got.
Noun Phrases
- career alternative enhancement program (Chrysler)
- career change opportunity (Clifford of Vermont)
- career transition program (General Motors)
- constructive discharge
- constructive dismissal
- early retirement opportunity
- elimination of employment security policy (Pacific Bell)
- employee transition
- end of a trial period
- excessing
- force management program (AT&T)
- indefinite idling
- involuntary attrition
- involuntary career event
- involuntary separation from payroll (Bell Labs)
- involuntary severance (Digital Equipment Corp)
- modernization program
- normal payroll adjustment (Wal-Mart)
- personnel realignment
- personnel surplus reduction
- planning of the workforce
- profit improvement plan (PIP)
- realignment
- reduction in force (riffing) or RIF (Newsweek)
- reduction in personnel plan, or RIPP
- reduction in staff
- release of resources (Bank of America)
- repositioning (Stanford University)
- reshaping (National Semiconductor)
- skill-mix adjustment
- surplus
- vocation relocation
- workforce imbalance correction
Verb Phrases
- buy out (employee) contracts
- decline a contract extension
- decruit
- defund
- dehire
- derecruit
- de-select
- destaff
- discharge
- discontinue
- disemploy
- displace
- downscale
- downsize
- free up for the future
- free to pursue your interests
- furlough
- lateralize
- let go
- make internal efficiencies
- make redundant
- manage down
- negotiate a departure
- outplace
- outsource
- rationalize the workforce
- reduce duplication (Tandem Computers)
- reduce headcount
- re-engineer the staff
- regain your life
- release
- relieve of duties
- reorganize (or re-org)
- reshuffle
- restructure
- retrench
- rightsize
- scale back
- select out
- separate
- spend more time with the family
- streamline
- strengthen global effectiveness (Proctor & Gamble)
- unassign
- uninstall
- waive
If you can think of other euphemisms for firing an employee, please let me know and I’ll be happy to add them to the lists.